that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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