dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
