Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
