these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
