Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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