He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
