I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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