Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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