i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
