Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
