Having a random hookup so left but love u
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
