So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we're so committed to being not committed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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