I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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