If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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