hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
