If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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