my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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