are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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