do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
