It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
