This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
