You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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