I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
