i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
