I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
