Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
