My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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