I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
