It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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