so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
