It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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