she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
