Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
