i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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