Got a toothbrush?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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