Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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