Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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