nut hugger
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
