he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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