just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
