Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
