I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
