waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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