Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
