Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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