I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
