she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
