I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
