I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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