wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
