At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
