my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
