his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
