Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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