Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
