i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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