dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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